Rebecca's Story

Rebecca’s beloved dad Gerald, died last year and here she reflects on his love of guitars, liking for inappropriate jokes, and how much Hospice in the Weald helped the whole family during his final months.

Fond memories

My dad was a crazy character and a very hard-working, family-oriented guy. I remember, even on holiday he’d be ‘pricing a job’ and thinking ahead! My memories of him as a child include his big, white work van and him, in his high-vis, being covered in dust and cement, dashing into the house to grab something to eat before working hard most of the day.

He was also really into music and loved the Moody Blues, Johnny Cash and Fleetwood Mac. I found it quite special that our house was always listening to such different kinds of music, compared to my friends. He played guitar and dedicated a room in his house to hang his collection! I think even in the final months, music was his escape.

If he wasn’t working or playing guitar, he would enjoy working on his motorbike – especially when my partner worked on one of his in the garage. As he got older, my dad  – known as Jed by some – also loved gardening and we spent a lot of time after his diagnosis just sitting in the garden, enjoying a cup of tea together.

When reality sank in

A few months later, the Hospice began to help Dad with care and support, as well as helping us too. At first, they visited dad at home and the nurses from the Hospice helped move his bedroom downstairs. This is when it hit me that the chemo was not going to work, and I was really upset. He had always been a big man, a big presence, and suddenly he wasn’t even able to stand up very well.

I thought my dad was too young to be suffering like this. This feeling stayed with me when we went to visit Hospice in the Weald a few weeks later. It was Dad, his partner, Di, my sister, Jess and me. I was amazed as the people and the building were so nice and I remember my dad saying that it felt really homely. It was then that I met people who were the same age as me, going through their own end-of-life journey.

The Hospice opened my eyes

I met a lovely lady whose son was my age with cancer. She told me he used to race at Bayford Meadows. I met all of his family and friends. It is only through that and talking to staff that you realise the Hospice is for everyone, and it changes your whole perspective.

You just never know – it could be yourself, your friend, someone younger than you. You hear on the radio and watch on TV about people who are terminally ill, but because it is not affecting your bubble, you go along with life blissfully unaware. But at any given moment one of us can be affected. That’s why places like Hospice in the Weald are so important.

I felt nervous the first few times I went to the Hospice but the more I went, the more homely it felt. The staff were so welcoming and helpful, and they even had a small, brown therapy dog called Mr Hicks who my dad adored! On his good days, he liked to give us a tour of the place and I felt like he was doing a tour on MTV Cribs! He used to joke that the hydrotherapy bath was his jacuzzi. It was really nice to see him comfortable and it almost took your mind off what was happening.

The final days

It was distressing, but the Hospice made us feel at ease. In his last days, all the family were there. We had uncles, cousins, my brother playing guitar and we even brought in my dad’s cat! There was no question of visiting hours or waiting times – it was relaxed and as comfortable as possible for everyone, and there was a kitchen we could use, and beds for family members to sleep in.

The staff made it a safe environment to show emotions and I feel so lucky that my dad had that care. We put such an emphasis on coming into this world and I think we should have the same when we are leaving. Those last days were so full of people that it was like coming into a house at Christmas, and I think my dad knew that too.