David's Story

David’s wife Marion was diagnosed with cancer in August 2022 and died just five months later, spending her last days at Cottage Hospice, with him by her side. Here, David shares his story and explains the value of counselling to those who have lost a loved one.

At first, it’s hard to grieve  

“You get this terrible surge of stuff needing to be done in the immediate aftermath of someone dying. There is just so much to sort out. You’re almost too busy to think, the most you can do is work out what’s most urgent and do that first,” says David. “It’s only afterwards you start the process of grieving. It certainly takes time.” 

The impact of talking to someone

David found counselling a worthwhile and transitional process. I was offered counselling at the Hospice, which started a few weeks after Marion’s death,” he says. “It’s an interesting process; you start by thinking, I’m the one who is doing all the work here. This person has the easiest job in the world – they just have to sit there and listen to me! 

“It seems pretty random at times but, over the weeks as it evolves, there is a structure to it. It’s unquantifiable as you don’t know how you would have been without it over that period, but I believe it helped me a lot in sorting out the nature of the process,” David continues.

“I feel I’ve now got a better idea what the process is that I’m going through. I’m starting to learn to live with the new state I find myself in.” 

A fresh way of thinking 

“It is like a coin; all the good memories and the things that are still good because Marion was there are on one side. On the other side you’ve got the pain and the grief and the loss. I am trying to get used to seeing both at the same time. Sometimes one side is a bit stronger than the other but tomorrow it’ll be the other way around, so it doesn’t matter.” 

Our struggle and hospice support 

“Marion’s symptoms caused her a lot of pain and it made it difficult for her to eat. It wasn’t easy to manage. Marion was on about six or seven different medications a day. Just getting the list right, with the right things at the right time, wasn’t straightforward,” David says.   

The illness was a shock 

When 68-year-old Marion was first diagnosed with cancer, it came as a shock to her and David. Marion had always, until that point, been healthy and active. After feeling some unusual pains that took her to the doctor, in a very short time, it became clear she had a serious illness. 

“You don’t expect people to die within a few months. What you do in the moment is focus on what you can do to make things as good as possible. So really, from August when she was diagnosed, very quickly I became Marion’s carer,” explains David. 

“We were referred to the Hospice when we were told the chemotherapy wasn’t working. That’s when I discovered the first of many things I didn’t know about hospices at that point. Most of the patients aren’t in a hospice, they’re at home. As Marion was from then until early January.” 

Marion’s final days at Cottage Hospice 

“I have to say that the family care giver model is so important. The ability to continue caring is hugely beneficial, and I don’t know how things would have been if this wasn’t available. To look back and know I was able to care for Marion until the very end, both at home and at Cottage Hospice, means so much to me.”