How Does Bereavement Affect a Child and How Can You Help?

When a child loses someone close to them, it can feel like their entire world has been turned upside down. Childhood bereavement is a deeply emotional experience, one that can shape their thoughts, feelings, and behaviours for years to come. As caregivers, teachers, or family members, it’s important to understand how grief affects children and how we can best support them through this challenging time. By offering a compassionate, understanding presence, we can help them find their way through the confusion of loss.

The Emotional Impact of Bereavement on Children

When a child experiences bereavement, their emotions can become a whirlwind of confusion, fear, anger, and sadness. Younger children may not fully understand what has happened, and they might feel anxious whenever separated from their primary caregiver, fearing they might lose them too. They might express their distress through play, acting out scenarios that reflect their inner turmoil​.

Older children and teens might internalise their grief, feeling isolated in their sadness or angry at the world for what seems so unfair. A counsellor from Hospice in the Weald explains, “Sometimes, grief for a child looks like anger or risky behaviour because they don’t know how else to show their pain.” She adds, “You might see a child suddenly acting out or becoming overly quiet, and it’s important to recognise these behaviours as cries for help, not just misbehaviour”​. Often, these are expressions of a deep feeling of an unmet need for comfort, reassurance, and security during a life-changing time.

Our therapist notes, “That constant state of anxiety – not knowing what’s going to happen next – can make it really hard for children to focus on everyday things like school or play. It’s like they’re carrying this heavy weight with them all the time”.

Children between the ages of 6-8 may struggle to understand why their loved one has changed due to illness. They may misinterpret a parent’s withdrawal or changed behaviour as rejection. “It’s so important to explain to them in simple, clear terms what’s happening,” our resident therapist advises, “because without that understanding, children often blame themselves or feel rejected by their loved one who is ill”​.

Behavioural Changes

Grief can show up in a child’s behaviour in unique ways. Some might become withdrawn, refusing to go to school or participate in activities they once loved. Others might display signs of aggression or defiance, a way of expressing their inner angst. As caregivers, recognising these signs and offering gentle guidance can make all the difference.

A supportive environment and community, like a children’s hospice, can help a child feel less isolated and more understood. “Being with others who ‘get it’ can be incredibly healing,” says our counsellor. “Children often find comfort in knowing they are not alone in their grief. It’s about creating that sense of safety and community where they feel understood without needing to explain themselves”​. 

Creating opportunities for connection, whether through group activities or just being present, helps children realise they are not alone. Within Hospice In The Weald’s community, we’ve seen firsthand how even something as simple as gathering for tea and company builds connection, understanding and a support structure.

Supporting Them at Home

First and foremost, children need to know that it’s okay to talk about their feelings – or not talk about them if they’re not ready. Creating a safe, open space where they feel comfortable expressing themselves can be one of the most supportive things you can do. Use clear language when discussing death, avoiding euphemisms that might confuse them. Our counsellor suggests, “Even small things like saying ‘died’ instead of ‘gone to sleep’ can make a big difference. It helps children understand that death is a part of life, not something to be feared or hidden away”​.

Hospice in the Weald’s Counselling and Support Service suggests gentle check-ins to provide reassurance and to let the child know it’s okay to feel whatever they’re feeling – sadness, anger, confusion, or even relief. Our therapist adds, “It’s crucial to let children grieve in their way and in their own time. There’s no right or wrong way to mourn a loss”​.

Helping Them in School

Children spend a lot of time at school, so it’s important for teachers and school staff to be involved in supporting a grieving child. Schools can be a place of stability when everything else feels uncertain. Simple actions like allowing flexible deadlines, having a quiet space for the child to retreat to if needed, and checking in regularly can provide a sense of security.

According to Child Bereavement UK, collaboration between parents, teachers, and school counsellors can help create a supportive environment that allows children to learn and process their grief simultaneously. As our counsellor suggests, “Teachers can make a big difference just by letting the child know they are there, that they care, and that it’s okay if they’re not feeling okay today”​.

Children’s hospices, like Hospice in the Weald, provide tailored support to address the unique needs of grieving children. These programs often include group therapy, one-on-one counselling, and creative activities designed to help children express their grief in a safe, supportive environment. The chosen approach really depends on your child’s needs and which environment they’ll be most comfortable in. It’s also important that if the child is old enough, to let them have a say in how they’d like to be supported. Younger children don’t process emotions and time the same as adults, so a structured weekly hour won’t resonate with them – they deal with emotions as they arise.

Know When To Reach Out

Grieving is hard, and it can be even harder for children who are still learning to understand the world and their place in it. Our child counsellor wisely reminds us, “By being there for them – with open arms, open ears, and open hearts – we can help them make sense of their loss and find a path forward.” 

Remember, you don’t have to do it alone. For more resources, visit organisations like Care For The Family, Child Bereavement UK, and Childline – they’re available to provide the guidance and support your family needs. If you need to speak to one of our team about bereavement or hospice care for children, feel free to contact the Children’s team at Hospice in the Weald and we’ll be happy to help. Together, we can help our children navigate their grief and heal.