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5 Simple Ways to Help Someone in a Hospice

Nurse helping patient at Cottage Hospice with pillow

It can be incredibly difficult to know how to best support someone you love who is facing a terminal illness in a hospice. You naturally want to comfort them, but you don’t want to seem insincere about their situation or overwhelm them. All the while, you’re grappling with your own emotions too! That’s why our experienced and dedicated team put together some advice for you on how to help someone in a hospice. 

The good news is that the most helpful actions for someone in hospice are often quite simple. Don’t overthink it! The core idea is to be present and help with whatever they need. Here are five easy yet important ways you can truly make a difference for someone in hospice:

Ellie rubbing a cold flower on her Dad's head to help ease his symptoms

1. Surround Them with Familiar Touches of Home

For someone receiving hospice care away from home, the absence of familiar comforts can be a source of unease. Bringing in items that evoke a sense of home can be incredibly soothing and is a great way to help someone in hospice.

Consider packing:

  • Cosy comforts: Their favourite pillows, a well-worn robe, or a soft blanket they love to snuggle under can provide a sense of security and warmth.
  • Confidence boosters: Favourite clothes they feel comfortable and stylish in can lift their spirits. Think about pyjamas or a housecoat in a material they enjoy, or a special outfit they loved wearing for outings.
  • Memory keepers: A cherished photo album filled with happy memories or a box of keepsakes from special occasions can spark joy and conversation. Consider creating a new “memory box” together where they can add new treasures during their time in hospice.

Even if they’re at home, there might be small things they have difficulty getting themselves. You can help hospice patients by bringing:

  • Essential toiletries: Lip balm, hand lotion, and tissues can ensure their comfort. Consider unscented options to avoid irritation.

Entertainment options: Newspapers, magazines with their favourite topics, or audiobooks narrated by a favourite voice actor can provide mental stimulation and enjoyment. Look for audiobooks with uplifting stories or calming nature sounds.

Ellie helping a Hospice Nurse provide care to Simon

2. Become Their ‘Comfort Detective’

One of the most impactful ways to help is to be a keen observer of their needs. Here’s how to help hospice patients by becoming their personal comfort detective:

  • Be a superhero of awareness: Pay close attention to basic needs. Are they feeling a chill or are they too warm? Does their bedding need fluffing or rearranging? Is the room too bright or noisy for them to rest comfortably? Perhaps they need help adjusting their pillows for better neck support.

Proactive care, not smothering: You don’t want to hover or get in the way of medical professionals. However, if you notice something simple you can adjust to improve their comfort, don’t hesitate to take care of it. Offer to dim the lights, open a window for fresh air, or adjust the thermostat.

3. The Art of Asking for Help: A Collaborative Approach

Sometimes the best way to help is to ask how you can be most useful. However, depending on the person’s condition, direct questions might be overwhelming. Here’s a tactful approach when you want to help hospice patients:

  • Seek guidance from their support network: Talk to their friends, family, or caregivers for insights into how you can best offer support. Ask about their current needs, preferred activities, and any specific ways you can be helpful.
  • Offer specific assistance: Instead of a broad “Can I help?”, suggest specific errands or tasks, like “Would you like me to run to the pharmacy for you?” or “I’d be happy to pick up some groceries. Is there anything specific you’re craving?”
  • Be a reliable partner: If they give you a specific task, listen carefully and follow through. This shows you’re invested in their well-being. Let them know when you’ve completed the task and offer further assistance if needed.

4. Keeping Things Normal: Conversation and Activities

While hospice care focuses on comfort at the end of life, normalcy can also be a source of comfort. Here’s how to create a sense of normalcy:

  • Engage in everyday conversation: Talk about current events, share funny stories from your life together, or simply chat about your day – just as you would during any other visit. Reminisce about past experiences or discuss upcoming plans and events they might still be looking forward to.
  • Shared activities: Read to them from their favourite book, listen to music together that holds special meaning for them, or watch a favourite movie. Familiar activities can be a source of enjoyment and connection. Consider playing a board game they used to enjoy if they’re up for it.
  • Respecting their energy levels: Avoid overwhelming them with excessive questions. Let the conversation flow naturally and respect their need for rest. Pay attention to their body language and cues. If they seem tired, it’s okay to sit quietly together in companionable silence.

Prioritising their well-being: While acknowledging the situation is okay, avoid burdening them with your own emotions. Focus on making them feel loved and supported. Share positive memories, express your love and appreciation, and offer words of encouragement.

Hospice staff explaining leaflet

5. The Power of Your Presence

Even if you’re not a natural conversationalist or feel a little awkward in the hospice setting, simply being there speaks volumes.

Here’s how your presence can make a difference and help hospice patients:

  • Quiet companionship: Sit quietly with them, hold their hand, and offer words of love and support. Your presence can be incredibly comforting. Even if they seem to be sleeping, they might still find comfort in your presence. Read a book aloud softly, play calming music, or simply sit quietly.
  • Acknowledge your anxieties: Don’t let your own worries prevent you from visiting. These visits, even if seemingly uneventful, will be cherished memories for both of you. It’s okay to express your own emotions to a trusted friend or family member after your visit.
  • Be a hand to hold: Offer physical touch in a way that feels comfortable for them. A gentle handhold, a shoulder rub, or a light touch on the arm can all be ways to show you care. Be mindful of their preferences and respect their boundaries.

By following these tips and seeking additional support when needed, you can make a significant impact on the life of someone in hospice. Remember, even the smallest gestures can create a world of comfort and support during this time.

Extra Advice on How to Help Someone in a Hospice

While the core ideas are to provide comfort and normalcy, there are additional ways to help hospice patients:

Respecting Preferences:

  • Tailor activities: Consider their personality and what brought them joy in life. If they love gardening, perhaps you can bring them a small potted plant to care for.
  • Religious or spiritual needs: If faith is important to them, inquire if they’d like a visit from a religious leader or if you can read passages from their preferred scripture.
  • Dietary considerations: Be mindful of any dietary restrictions or preferences they might have. If they’re struggling with appetite, offer small, frequent meals or snacks.

Communication:

  • Listen actively: Pay close attention to their words, but also nonverbal cues like facial expressions and body language.
  • Validate their feelings: Acknowledge their emotions, whether it’s fear, sadness, anger, or even moments of joy. Let them know it’s okay to feel however they feel.
  • Open communication: Encourage them to express their needs and wishes openly. This could include anything from wanting to discuss their illness to simply requesting a specific comfort item.

Creating a Peaceful Environment:

  • Soothing scents: Aromatherapy with calming scents like lavender or chamomile can be a source of relaxation. Consider using a diffuser or lotion with these gentle scents.
  • The power of touch: Offer a gentle massage (if appropriate) or hold their hand to create a sense of calm and connection.
  • Calming music: Play music that they find relaxing or uplifting. This could be anything from classical music to nature sounds to their favourite artists.
  • Minimise distractions: Turn off unnecessary noise from televisions or phones to create a peaceful atmosphere.

Remembering You:

  • Self-care is essential: Taking care of yourself emotionally and physically allows you to be a stronger support system for your loved one. Don’t hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist for yourself.
  • Celebrate life: Even during this difficult time, find opportunities to celebrate life. Share happy memories, play board games, or simply enjoy their company.
  • Create lasting memories: Take photos or videos (with permission) to capture special moments during this time. You can also help them write letters or record messages for loved ones.

By incorporating these additional tips, you can create a more personalised and supportive environment for someone in hospice. Remember, every small gesture of love and care can make a world of difference.

Remember, you are not alone

In facing a terminal illness, neither patients nor their loved ones need to walk the path alone. At Hospice in the Weald, we serve Kent and East Sussex, offering vital care and support, free of charge. Our dedication extends not only to physical comfort but also to emotional well-being, ensuring patients and their families receive the compassionate support they deserve during this tender time. Remember, if you ever need extra help with helping someone facing a terminal illness in a hospice, we’re always here to help!